The Power of a Relationship

"Look at your five closest friends. That is who you are. If you don't like who you are, you know what you have to do." -Will Smith

“Three professional experiences – one striking conclusion: Students grow in their faith through relationships, wounded people heal in relationships, and unbelievers come to the Lord through relationships.” -Jim Wilder

"For I long to see you, that I might impart to you some spiritual gift, so that you may be strengthened." -Romans 1:11

"Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good character." 1 Corinthians 15:33

I made a list of 8 rules for life last year. (I was probably listening to too much Jordan Peterson.) One of them is, "Never underestimate the power of a relationship." It was a lesson I didn't learn until I was 40. Your relationships have the power to embolden you or break you. We'd like to believe that we are who we are, that we have sovereignty over our mind and behavior. But I'm not so sure that's true. We are more feeble and influenced than we would like to think.

When my kids get back from a friend's house I sometimes have to exert a significant amount of energy to get my kid back. Maybe it's the food and screens they were exposed to and a lack of sleep. Maybe its because they forgot Grandma's quilt at home which reminds them who they are and to whom they belong. But Scripture clearly teaches that people and places carry a spirit with them. Nobody is neutral. The longer I live, the more I suspect that their spirit jumps from their body to yours, making you a better version or yourself or a worse one.

I've observed this over the past few years, always curious, making observations without making any conclusions. I filed interactions, conversations, and body language away in my brain. I assembled a spiritual and relational puzzle one piece at a time. The picture that formed is this: never underestimate the power of the relationship. It's like everyone brings you one step closer to heaven or to hell.

The research says we make decisions based on our relationships, to whom we belong. Or worse, to whom we would like to belong. Two decades with junior high kids taught me that. They don't think for themselves, they share a collective brain. But many adults never move past their adolescent mindset. They still don't think for themselves, stick up for themselves, or stick up for those that they love. They love in word, but not in deed. And if fear of man is the motivator instead of love of God and neighbor...well...get ready for a mess. A relational dumpster fire.

I long for a community that makes one another better people. One based on love instead of fear. I long for phones to go off regularly. For invitations to be so common that you have to say no to them instead of wondering if anyone wants to be with you. To walk into a room knowing that you don't have to watch your mouth, you don't have to hide your true condition, or your true desires. To be known, loved, accepted, desired, laughed with. We all carry our wounds with us, wondering if they disqualify us from experiencing the true love and acceptance of Jesus and others. Some will accept us. Others will reject. But all of them influence. Never underestimate the power of a relationship.